The One Two Threes of One Night Stands
by Lady Alabaster
Summary: The dreaded morning after of the one-night-stand leads to some unexpected surprises. LM/GW DM/HP slash oneshot


AN: first try at comedy... got fed up with all the angst and needed a break from DM to write a one-shot. :-) 

Rating: M for shower sex and some mild swearing 

Pairings: Lucius/Ginny and Draco/Harry

Warnings: male-male relationships, hand-jobs, and Ginny's bare ass 

Disclaimers: don't own Ginny, Lucius, Harry or Draco. Or the rest of them, as a matter of fact. 

Summary: The dreaded morning after of the one-night-stand leads to some unexpected surprises.

* * *

The One Two Three's of One Night Stands

Ginevra Weasly bit her lip and turned the doorknob to the bathroom as quietly as she could. The door swung open and she lightly stepped inside. The white sheet that was covering her body was quickly discarded and the door promptly shut. Again, as quietly as was humanely possible. She threw her green purse on the counter and again bit her lip. 

It was eight in the morning. 

Ginny opened the left cupboard under the stairs and rummaged until she found a package of man razors. It was a closed package, of course, so she dug her nails violently under the plastic to open it, and of course, broke a nail. 

A string of colourful swearwords poured out of her mouth as the whole package opened and the razors fell to the ground and burst into all four directions. She sighed with frustration and crouched to the ground to search under the cabinets. She grabbed the nearest ones and crammed them back into the package, keeping one. 

She turned on the water to the ancient shower and grabbed a hairbrush to brush the sex out of her hair while the water warmed up. 

She jumped into the shower and instantly started to scrub herself. The water was hot enough to turn her skin pink, but that's the way she liked it. Of course, the Malfoy's would have the best shampoo and conditioner, so she wasn't worried about that. The only thing she had to worry about was the worst part of the one night stand. 

The morning after. 

She figured if she got out of the house fast enough, she wouldn't have to confront the man she spent the night with. Again. 

_At least this time the divorce was finalized_, Ginny thought ruefully. 

Ginny stepped out of the shower, soaking wet and hot as a Jalapeno pepper, looking for a towel. Of course, there were three towels hanging on the rack across the room. She made sure to step on the soft rug in the middle of the bathroom while grabbing one and wrapping herself in it. 

Leave no evidence, as her mother always said. 

The towel was small. Small enough to not fully cover her ass. Sometimes Ginny thought that the hateful, gorgeous Lucius did this on purpose. As if he hadn't got enough of her naked behind the night before, he needed to see her embarrassed butt cheeks the next morning. 

She pulled the towel down but this made her boobs pop out like a Victorian princess wearing a corset. Ah, well, you can never have both. 

She grabbed another towel and wrapped her hair in this one, making a headdress out of the towel and getting it out of the way. 

Ginny opened the cupboard again and rummaged until she found a pile of toothbrushes still in their boxes. She grabbed one and tore the packaging off. 

It was like the Malfoy's were _stocked_ for one night stands. 

She vigorously brushed her teeth and then unwrapped the towel. She went over to her purse and got out the hair gel and mousse she carried in it. 

She took a second to bless Hermione for putting the nifty charm on the purse that made it light as a feather but still able to carry large amounts of junk in it. 

After the hair was done, Ginny went back to the purse to grab an extra pair of panties and her make-up. 

Shit, she thought, she didn't bring her usual extra outfit this time. She hoped that if she didn't bring a Next Morning Outfit it would keep her from having a one night stand. 

_Well, that didn't work_, she thought. _Man, how much did I drink last night? _

Stupid Lucius for offering me drinks. Stupid gorgeous blonde man for being so stupidly gorgeous. Stupid me for having stupid hot amazing sex with stupid gorgeous blonde man. 

Well, this meant she would have to go back into the bedroom to grab the dress and shoes that were promptly discarded the night before. 

_Damn, I was hoping not to have to see him today_, she thought. _Maybe he's still asleep, no, luck never has it my way. _

And now she would have to walk back into her mother's house wearing the same thing she wore last night, a clear signal that she had had sex._Damn_. 

She was just about ready to walk back out of the bathroom and face the overly self-satisfied face of the elder Malfoy when she noticed the bathroom scale in the corner. 

_Time to find out if that new diet was working_, Ginny thought happily. 

Just as she was about to step on the scale, she heard the door opening slowly. 

_Shit! Malfoy junior! _

Ginny jumped behind the gigantic Oriental curtain that was covering the right side of the bathroom and held her breath. 

The boy rummaged around the bathroom for a minute or two and then turned on the shower and got in. 

Once Ginny heard the shower screen door close she jumped out from behind the curtain and made a beeline for the door. 

But something caught her eye. 

The boy had black hair. 

Malfoy's don't have black hair. 

Anywhere. 

Was I _that_ drunk last night? Ginny thought wildly. No, it must be a friend of the Malfoy's. Or some random stranger taking a shower in the Malfoy bathroom. Anything but _that._ She did _not_ have a threesome. She would have remembered that. 

She was so intent on trying to see the boy's distorted face through the whirly glass of the shower that she forgot that she wasn't even supposed to be there. 

She was reminded when another someone started to turn the doorknob. 

_Double Shit and Cow Testicles!_ Ginny thought, panicked. 

She yet again jumped behind the curtain and waited. 

There was a minute or two of silence and then Ginny could hear the rustle of clothing being removed. 

Then the door of the shower opened. 

Then came a moan. 

_OH CRAP!_ Ginny thought, squishing her face into something that resembled a sea-cucumber. This was bad. 

She really had to leave. 

Ginny started to inch out from behind the curtain when she heard the moaning again. Except thing time, there were words. 

"Mmmm, Draco, do that again would you?" came a very familiar voice. A Male Voice. 

"Whatever you want, love." Came the voice Ginny knew was Draco Malfoy's. 

"Right there." 

"Yeah? You like it like that?" 

"Mmmhmm." Came the slow moaning of the black haired boy. 

Ginny stopped and stared at the shower. She could faintly distinguish the two people in it. The blonde was leaning against the darker-haired boy and his hand was moving in a very recognisable place. 

"Didn't get enough of me last night?" came Draco's husky whisper. 

"As if I could ever get enough of you." Was the breathless reply. 

"Say my name, Harry." 

Ginny's mouth opened so wide that a full grown hippogriff could have fit into it nicely. She gasped and a very undignified squeak came from her mouth. 

Draco Malfoy… Harry Potter… were having shower sex in the bathroom….

"Draco…" Harry moaned. 

"You like it when I get you off, Harry?" 

"Yesssss…."

Ginny closed her mouth. This was… kind of hot. 

Her eyebrows rose at her own evaluation of the situation. Great, add gay sex to her list of weird preferences. It could go somewhere between hating mayonnaise and having an irrational need to sleep with older men. 

Suddenly she realised that the two boys in the shower would probably not react calmly to knowing they were being watched – or rather, listened to – by a girl who shouldn't even be in this house. 

Ginny grabbed her purse and again, opened the door with as little sound as possible. She figured she succeeded in not making much noise when Harry came with a loud shout and moaned Draco's name. 

This day can't get any weirder. 

Ginny tiptoed into the Senior Malfoy's bedroom to find him blissfully asleep. Totally naked, because Ginny had stolen the sheet. And totally not looking Senior. Anywhere. 

He looked so innocent in his sleep. Without the morning wood, he would look even more innocent, Ginny thought with a giggle. 

Then Ginny came to a very sudden and slightly delayed conclusion. Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter were having shower sex in the upstairs bathroom. 

This was rather strange because Ginny was, after all, in the bathroom with the boys, so why was this all of a sudden important? _Because the human brain has a tendency to block strangeness until later, when it can be properly dissected and poked at, _Ginny thought rationally. 

And so, Ginny realised what was going on. _Thank God too, because if I'd realised back in the bathroom who knows what would have happened._

Ginny walked over to the naked blonde and gave him a hard shove. 

He didn't wake up. 

_Goddamn Malfoy's._

She shoved him again. 

"Jeeesus, what?" came the muffled response. 

"Draco's screwing my ex-boyfriend in the upstairs bathroom." Ginny said, slightly hysterical. 

Lucius sat up. 

"I care because…" he said, slightly miffed from being woken up so rudely.

"He's your son!" 

"So?" 

"Oh my God, you knew!" Ginny said with a gasp. 

"Yes."

For a second she had nothing to say.

"Why the hell are the towels in your bathroom so friggin tiny?" Ginny said, trying to remain angry. 

"So as to get a better view of your arse." 

"I knew it!" She said triumphantly. 

Nothing more to say for the moment, she stalked over to the corner where her dress was hanging from the windowsill and proceeded to get dressed in a dignified manner. 

Well, as dignified as a girl who just found out that her ex is gay. 

Lucius just watched Ginny's backside get dressed with an appreciative air.

Then he realised he was naked. So he walked over the ensuite bathroom and grabbed his robe. 

"Why the hell didn't you use this bathroom?" 

"Because I was hoping to sneak out of the house without seeing you." Ginny relied sullenly. 

"Ah, avoid the awkwardness." He said knowingly. 

_Yeah, he _would_ know_, Ginny thought. _How many girls does he take up to this very room to have hot animal sex with? Probably millions. He's a Malfoy. And pretty to look at._

"Come on, let's go get breakfast." Lucius said. 

"Fine." Ginny said pulling her hair into a ponytail and retrieving the other shoe from under the bed. 

They walked in relative silence down the marble stairs into the kitchen. 

The house elves had made French toast. Ginny devoured it. Then she noticed that the blonde hadn't eaten yet. 

"What?" she asked, her mouth full of bread. 

"What did you see, exactly?" Lucius said, cocking his head to one side and looking at her inquisitively. 

"I saw your son molesting the boy-who-lived. And the boy-who-lived moaned a lot." Ginny relied, totally straight-faced. 

"How the hell do you manage to get yourself into these situations?" Lucius said, laughing and shaking his head. 

"I don't know. It's a gift." Ginny replied. 

From behind Lucius, Ginny could see another blonde head walking into the kitchen. 

"Good morning, father." Draco said calmly. "Miss Weasly." He added, nodding in her direction. 

"A _very_ good morning, apparently." Lucius said with a smirk. 

Draco furrowed his brows but decided not to say anything.

Just then, Harry came in. 

"Oh." was all the boy could say when he saw Ginny. 

"Hello Harry." Ginny said stoically. 

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his eyes wide. 

"I'm doing Lucius, thank you very much." 

"Oh." Again. 

"How was the shower sex?" Ginny asked calmly. 

Draco choked on his muffin. 

Harry just stared at Ginny. 

Then Lucius began to laugh. 

Ginny couldn't help herself, she started to laugh too. 

When Ginny looked at it with perspective, it didn't make any sense. Lucius, Draco, Harry and herself, in the Malfoy Manor kitchen, having a perfectly normal discussion about their love lives. 

But for just one second, it was comfortable. It was familiar. 

Then reality came back and she stood up and gathered her purse from the counter top where she left it. 

"I'm going now." She said to the older Malfoy. 

"I should go too." Harry said, smiling apologetically to his boyfriend. 

"See you soon, Ginevra." Lucius said from the table, sipping the coffee that the house elves had brought him. 

"Not bloody likely." She said, with a roll of her eyes. "This was the last time." 

"That's what you said last time." Draco said with a smirk. 

"Well, this time, I mean it." 

"Alright, see you next week." Draco said, sitting down at the table by his father. 

Ginny opened her mouth to snap some sort of witty retort, but nothing came to mind, so she just turned on her heel and walked to the Entrance Hall. 

Harry followed her with a dim smile on his face. 

"You're sleeping with Lucius." He said, al if trying to make it real with words. 

"You're sleeping with Draco." Ginny said. 

"How did our relationship end again?" Harry asked, wrinkling his nose. 

"You told me we should try other people." 

"Right." He said with a grin. 

Ginny couldn't help it, she grinned back. 

"So, I like older men, what can you do?" She said with a shrug. 

"So, I like other men, what can you do?" Harry said, with a laugh. 

Ginny smiled, in a weird way, this was going to work. She just had to ask herself whether it was worth it. 

"So…" Harry said, his hands in his pockets and cheeky grin on his face, "same time, same place next week." 

"Definitely." Ginny said, and apparated.

Totally worth it.

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Please Review and tell me if I pulled off the Comedy thing... 


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